The End of Finals

Well, finals are over and I couldn't be happier. I don't know what it was about this semester, but it seemed like they went on forever and that the last one would never come! I'm looking forward to Christmas next year, when I'm not cramming information into my head for an exam and instead I'm enjoying the holidays! I can't believe it is almost over. The past few years flown by so fast! And here I am with just one more semester to go. Whew!

So, one of my favorite things about Seton Hall is that they decorate the atrium for Christmas. I took a few pictures to share. This is the view from the fourth floor.

This is a view from the fifth floor. You can see the library on the right.

Another shot from the fourth floor.

I also got to spend Thanksgiving in Virginia with my brother and his family and in-laws. I loved it. I played with my new niece and adorable nephew. My sister-in-law Meredith and I went to see New Moon :)! We ate delicious food. My favorite... the traditional Thanksgiving egg rolls, just like the Native Americans used to prepare! We even went to an old plantation and I got to go jogging outside. I seriously love getting outside!
Howe cute are they? My brother Chey (or Abe, take your pick)
and my little nephew Ethan. He adores his daddy!

Meredith's sister, McKaylan (spelling?) and my niece, Taylor.

Chey mugging for the camera! I was having trouble getting a smile out of
him. Go figure. A Fish boy who won't smile!

And one more of Ethan. I adore his hair and everything about him!
He cracks me up. I love it when you ask him if he wants to do
something and he says "Sure!" in this really cheerful voice.

I didn't get a picture of Meredith :(! Boo for me! But I didn't forget her. She was just off taking care of Taylor most of the trip to the plantation. Thanks for having me guys! I miss you already!

A Note To My Dear Friends and Family

I don't have children so I live through you vicariously. So you better start posting pictures of your little ones in their costumes or else!!! And thanks to those of you who already have (Meredith, Amanda and Camille). The rest of you better get to it!!! And Leah, I'm still waiting for pictures of that new house of yours!!! I'm dying to see it!

Thanks! (And a Little Update)

First of all, thanks to all of you for your support and advice. I needed it this week. I can say that things have definitely been better, and the cravings are not so bad anymore. I did have sugar during the week - just in moderation. Mostly in the form of hot chocolate, something I crave in the fall. I also found this tasty treat - chocolate granola. I love bear naked granola because it is low in sugar, is all natural, and it tastes yummy. I think this is a great way to curb/satisfy my need for chocolate without going over board. I bought some dark chocolate squares to help ward off the cravings as well.

Now for the real splurge. I bought an incline trainer/treadmill. I've been looking at these for the last few months. NordicTrack makes them, and I kept going to their website hoping for a sale. No such luck. So I checked Craig's List several times. Still no luck. Then, on a whim, I decided I'd look on ebay. I found one for about 700-800 dollars less than the retail price! And it was new...I think it might have been a floor model. But what really makes me proud? I put it together all by myself - no easy feat - I can tell you!!! This thing is HEAVY!!! The day it arrived, it took me over an hour just to get it out of the box. Then I had to go to class. I just figured I'd have to call a friend to come over to help. And then I realized that I didn't want to wait, that I wanted to get to using it. And so I put it together.
And of course I've been using it ever since. I ran three and a half miles today. I was shocked at both the length of the speed of my run. I chalk that up to doing stairs. So before this came, my workouts were in the stairwell of my building. I honestly believe that if you want to build up some stamina, start doing stairs!

I'm still looking for advice and support...any ideas you throw my way will be much appreciated!

HELP!!! (Or Two Bags of Peanut Butter Cups...in Three Days!)

Why am I posting a picture of a Coke bottle filled with sugar? Keep in mind that this is seventeen teaspoons of sugar, the amount in one twenty-ounce soda, and read the following...

So last January/February, I made a goal to go off of sugar for a month. I even went over my goal, 32 days, to be exact, without having sugar. But lately, my need for the stuff has been little on the fiendish side. Or perhaps a lot on the fiendish side! I'll go into a little more detail in a moment.

So what am I needing help with? I need to eat better and exercise more. I want to lose weight and get myself back into healthier habits. I feel frustrated, though, because I don't have a support system. That's my fault. I think one of the hardest things for anyone to do is to ask for help. I do not like asking people to do things for me. I would rather do it on my own. But lately it occurs to me that this is NOT something I can do on my own. And I am tired of trying to do it on my own. I need a cheer squad! I'm asking my friends and family to be my cheer squad.

So the sugar problem...consider the following. I ate three candy bars, three Klondike bars and polished off some left over frozen cookie dough in three days. I had two twenty ounce Cokes and some hot chocolate this week. Then later in the week, I was really craving Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. In a matter of ONLY three days, I ate two bags. This is no joke people! That might be the most embarrassing thing I've ever admitted. Seriously. Who does that? I want to be honest, however. I think telling the truth to others might help me be a little more honest with myself. I've been struggling up and down with my weight for about six years now, and I am tired. After a week like this, I realized I couldn't let it go on.

Realistically, I'm not going to quit eating sugar forever. I really need to figure out a balance that works for me. And if shame helps me to get started, then shame it is! Because that is how I feel about what I ate - ASHAMED. I didn't intend my blog to become a food confessional. However, for the next few months, I'm going to be posting about my progress and asking for advice. For now, I just ask that you give me some of your ideas about how you have learned to control sugar intake. That and please be my cheerleader! I need it!!!

a funny dilemma

What to do...what to do? So most of you all know that my full name is Deborah Michelle Fish. I've always gone by Michelle, except during that brief stint in kindergarten when I decided to exercise my independence and become Deborah.

Anyway, most of my records say Deborah Michelle Fish because of SSN/tax stuff. It's just easier to explain to people that I go by Michelle. So whenever I'm in a new class, I try to let the teacher know right away that I go by Michelle. And this is what happened in federal regulation of international trade. The teacher had us introduce ourselves as he went through the roll, and I let him know my preference. I guess he forgot.

About every other week, when my assigned case happens to come up, he calls me Deborah. And then he even calls me Deb...which is WEIRD!!! Only my closest friends and family call me that. Seriously. It's sort of reserved for people like my mom...or dad...or Dawn...or Nate. What do I do? We're half way through the semester and he's used the name for the last five weeks or so. Do I tell him or just go with it? I ask because some of my classmates are confused. Yesterday one of them asked me what was up. Would it be rude to tell my professor at this point that I go by Michelle?

a few more notes from summer (or the end of summer vacay...sad!)

So I'm starting this post with the last thing I did while I was in Utah. We had a family picnic in Payson Canyon at Black Hawk. I think this is one of my favorite places on earth. It is so so so so so so beautiful. I love it! We ate tinfoil dinners - a favorite of mine, made s'mores and roasted Starbursts.

Jess, Cora and Peyton. Peyton loves his girls!

My gorgeous sister-in-law and her adorable son Peyton.
I think this is one of my favorite pictures. Jess and Maren running with Cricket. The look on Jess's face makes me laugh. I think it says everything there is to say about Jessica!
My beautiful sister-in-law Carol and her cutie - Emmitt.
Maren - or Mar-Bear - running at full speed...so adorable!

My brother Travis and my mom...awe!!! Trav wouldn't be a good subject and refused to smile or look at the camera!

Some of the scenery. And one of the things that makes me homesick. Seriously!

My cute grandpa and grumpy brother...

A whole bunch of deer in a meadow together.

Me, Maren and Peyton roasting Starbursts and making s'mores. So YUMMY!

Peyton and Jess. Another favorite picture. It is so sweet how much he loves his cousins!

And now to wrap up my summer vacation series...

After getting back from Vegas/California, I was super excited to see my brother Josh, his wife Carol, and their four adorable children. I have to brag and say that I have the CUTEST nieces and nephews on the planet!!! We had fun hanging out. We went to the Ochre Mountain Temple open house. So nice! The chandeliers were my favorite part. Bernie and I went to a couple of movies together The Proposal - very funny, and Carol joined us for Julie and Julia - which was so good! I love movies. We also went to HP and the Half Blood Prince with Travis, my mom, Tyler and Peyton. I don't think Travis or Ty loved it. But I've seen it twice more since then. Obviously I'm a fan.

I also got to see several friends for "book club." I don't think we discuss books much when we get together, but it was so good to see people and to catch up. I'm the luckiest girl because I have such great friends. Dawn and I went to the temple one day and spent about five hours or so doing everything. It was fabulous. I have to brag and say that I think Dawn might be the strongest woman alive. She's been through so much this year, and yet her testimony and her love for the gospel have not waivered. She's my hero!!!

Carol and I agreed to do a half-marathon together, so we started our mornings jogging/walking. I have to give her props and say that she trained MUCH harder than me and kicked my trash! We had to get up so early on race day, and I must admit that because I am NOT a morning person, I was far less than enthusiastic. Then we got to the top of the mountain and it was FREEZING!!! Like 40-ish degrees. I'm not going to lie - Carol and I cuddled while sitting on a plastic garbage bag. It was miserably cold. But as the sun came up and we started the race, I was so glad I signed up. It was hard and I didn't have the best finishing time in the world, but I don't care. It was so stunningly beautiful up there. I don't know if I've every appreciated just how pretty Provo Canyon is. I wish I had taken my camera. Thanks for doing that with me Carol!!! I'm hoping to do it again next year if I can be in Utah at that time. And in the mean time, I'm looking doing a little research to find another half-marathon in this area.

So that about does it! Next time I hope to spend more time with my dad. He was working so hard that I didn't get to see him enough. I did spend one evening with him while he fed the animals. It's a regular Green Acres at the Fish's place! Horses, chickens, lambs...even cows (I think!). And a garden, thanks to Aunt Cindy, to boot!

I miss you guys!

Vegas, Baby, Vegas (or How I Spent My Summer Part II)

So I promised I'd post again soon, and here I am writing a new post! Aren't you all proud of me???

So I went to Utah for a month. It was great! I had such a great time with the family and friends. Here are some highlights from the first leg of the trip. And sorry...no pictures. I'm the worst when it comes to taking pictures!

• Weds. July 15: Mom and Peyton pick me up from the airport, and right away, Peyton is ready to go swimming. Never mind my fatigue! How can I say no to him??? So we went swimming!
• Thurs. July 16: Tyler wanted to go shopping for some new shoes, and he asked me to go with him! I didn't want to embarrass him by getting super excited, but on the inside, I was so happy and flattered he asked. Of course, I ended up buying shirts, but Ty didn't buy anything. We even went to Cafe Rio after. YUM!
  
• I spent the next week or so working on a project for Professor Denbeaux. Not so fun. But at least most of it is complete! What a relief.
  
• Sat. July 25: Went to my high school reunion. I admit that I had to be talked into it. But I had a great time! Thanks to Jamie, the great social planner, and all the married couples from our graduating class, for putting it all together.
  
• Sun. July 26: Headed to Vegas to see Lauren and Jamie. I spent the night at Lauren's (my old place). We talked until about midnight. It was great to catch up. I've missed her!
• Mon. July 27: Headed to see Jamie. We took off for California and good times in Disneyland!!! I LOVE DISNEYLAND!!! We laughed and laughed on the way down. I cannot believe how much we talked. Hardly a moment of silence. I love having such great girlfriends who will take off and go to Disneyland on the spur of the moment! When we to there, we got some yummy food and watched the Bachelorette (no shame here!).
  
• Tues. July 28: On to Disney. I had so much fun. I think my favorite was the Tower of Terror. But old school Disney is still the best. Peter Pan, Pirates of the Caribbean, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, The Haunted House and It's a Small World. LOVED IT!!!! We were so worn out by the time it was over. Totally worth it.
• Wed. July 29: Headed back to Vegas. We listed to great music and again laughed and talked. We even stopped at the state line to ride the roller coaster at Buffalo Bills. Love the roller coasters! Then back to Lauren's place. More great conversation and a little So You Think You Can Dance! How can you not enjoy that??? I had some In and Out Burger! YUM!
  
• Thurs. July 30: Lauren and I went to Capriotti's - the yummiest sandwich shop ever - for some lunch. And then I was off again to Utah.

I'll post more later. But thanks to my dear mother for letting me take off in her car for five days. And thanks to Lauren and Jamie for being such great friends and wanting to hang out with me! I may not love Vegas - but I love and miss you girls so much!!!

Bloggers Who Don't Blog (or How I Spent My Summer Vacay Part I)

Yep! I've become that blogger...a blogger who does not blog. Sorry folks. I know it's been over three months. No excuses. Just haven't felt much like blogging these days.

So, I thought maybe I should talk about my summer a bit. My last final was on May 16th. After that, I made a beeline for the Newark Public Library. Thanks to a great tip from a fellow classmate, Adam, I discovered one thing I love about Newark. The library here is AWESOME. It's housed in a beautiful old building near a park. I walk over there about once a week. I can check out all sorts of goodies, including new movies. I think I'm done w/my subscription to Netflix. Why pay when you can get movies for free?!?! :).

But of course my favorite part about the library is that the stacks feel sort of old and musty - like a library should feel. I'm so nerdy. And of course, I've been reading like a mad woman. I've rediscovered how much I love books, so I think I've read about fifteen books this summer. LOVE LOVE LOVE to read. I can't believe how much I've missed reading. I won't give you all the titles, but here are a few faves.

• Time Traveler's Wife (Audrey Niffenegger) - AMAZING! Not for conservative readers, however.
  
• The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (Mary Ann Shaffer) - EXCELLENT!
  
• The Thirteenth Tale (Diane Setterfield) - throw back to the Gothic romance - really fun.
  
• The Peacegiver (James L. Ferrell) - inspiring and uplifiting.
  
• Oh, and I really liked Revelation (CJ Sansom) - part of my renewed obsession with the Henry VIII time period.

Here are a few things I've been reading/plan on reading. Just finished Fairest. It was definitely for young readers. I think I might have enjoyed it when I was eight. But I didn't love it. Devlin Diary just looked interesting. I haven't started it yet. Friends recommended Memoirs of a Geisha. And Something Wicked This Way Comes is mine. I've wanted to read it for a long time.

Movies: Brideshead Revisited was okay. Not nearly as good as Atonement. I've seen Breach before, but I loved it, so I wanted to rewatch it. And I rented the Tudors - a tv series on Showtime. I have to fast forward a lot. But I'm sort of obsessed with Henry VIII, so I really like it. So much intrigue and double dealing. I would have hated to be a woman in that time period.

I'll post some more highlights soon! PROMISE!!!

Books and paper

I'm really tired tonight... tired of outlining and thinking and thinking and thinking. Then I took a look around my apartment and realized that I was surrounded. By books and paper. At first, it sort of frustrated me.  People who know me, know that I like things neat and orderly. As finals start, the piles grow; fortunately, as finals go on, one by one, the piles will be cleared, and the house will be clean again. 

And more importantly, it occurs to me that this mess represents the amount of work I've put in, and that is just for one semester. And it doesn't represent everything i've done this semester. I imagine these piles, times four...four semesters worth of this. that is what my life has been like for two years. At times, I get weighed down under the workload.  But when I look at these pictures, I think about all that I've accomplished.  It is a lot. So...I'm proud of my messy apartment!

This is a stack of work that I haven't yet completed.  Work to do over the summer for the archives project I'm working on.

This is my study headquarters. I've been finishing my outline for administrative law over the past few days. 

My desk, and my computer. I have a close relationship with my computer.

The book, in its almost final form. Now that represents hours upon hours of work!

My recycle pile. It will be much, much larger by the end of the semester!

Contrasts

First of all, I have to say that they don't call New Jersey the Garden State for nothing.  It is a really beautiful state, even if Newark is not its shining crown jewel.  A few of you have commented that Newark is prettier than they thought it would be.  And I admit, the pictures I posted show a different side of Newark.  My hope is that someday, this is the side of Newark everyone will see.  It has a lot of potential because of its past.  There are many amazing buildings.  Still, I think you should see the contrast.  

A picture of a tree I passed by on my way to Branch Brook Park - I think it sits on the Rutgers campus in Newark.

Again, the beautiful cathedral - I believe it's called Sacred Heart

And what I ran into on my walk there.  SAD!!!  And this is what people think of when they think of Newark.

Cherry Blossoms in Newark

So this picture isn't of cherry blossoms - it's a cathedral in Newark...near the park I walked to where I got to see the lovely cherry blossoms.  

I'm really impressed with this cathedral.  The grounds are immaculate and the church is really amazing, inside and out.

Okay, so here are the cherry blossoms....



I didn't get to go to my beloved D.C. to see the cherry blossoms this Spring.  But, I'd heard that Branch Brook park in Newark had some nice trees, so I decided to check it out.  Not the same as D.C. - because the monuments really are something else with all those cherry blossoms.  But, I can't complain.  I guess Newark isn't SO bad! 

a tragedy

I discovered this old Victorian mansion in the neighborhood where I go for my doctor's appointments. I was shocked when I first saw it. I had heard rumors of Newark in her glory days, but I had no idea. This is tragic. I realized just how far Newark had fallen. I wish I could have seen it when it was inhabited. I also wish I had loads of money to fix it up. It would make a nice office, restaurant, design studio...or all of the above. It is massive.

 

sometimes being single is fun...or funny!

So last weekend I was low on food and energy. After putting in about 12-14 hours at school each day, let's face it, one does not feel much like cooking. So I thought I'd order a pizza. The delivery boy showed up around 7:00 p.m. and called my cell phone, which is normal because I live in a secured building and you can't get in without a key. I came down to the lobby feeling rather hungry, looking rather tired...you know the drill. No make-up, pjs on, hair pulled up in a sloppy bun - and not cute and messy - I'm so worn out I really don't care what you think I look like sloppy.

I'm getting my receipt and pizza when the delivery boy asks me out of the blue if I speak French. I say, "Un petit peu...un trop petit peu. Mais mon francais c'est trop mal." (Translation - a little bit...a very little bit but my French is very bad - and sorry to all you Frenchies out there if I didn't spell that right.) He was from an African country that I cannot pronounce (or remember, for that matter). He proceeded to ask me what I do. I told him I was a law student. All I could think was that I really wanted my pizza, so I could go back to cleaning my apartment. (Yes, that is what I was doing folks, cleaning my apartment on a Saturday night. But it hadn't been cleaned it weeks because I hadn't had the time.)

And then much to my delight it happened. The sixteen year old delivery boy asked me when he would see me again.  

"Well," I said, a tiny bit shocked, "um, maybe I'll order another pizza sometime." I laughed and tried to make a joke out of it as I reached for the door. What can I say? I went into escape mode. But apparently we weren't finished with our little conversation.  

"No," he said, rather insistently, "I'm serious.  When can I see you again."

"Listen, I don't give my number out to strangers." (Note - I'm well aware that he had it...after all, he did just call me to come down for the pizza)

He got a bit indignant. "What does that mean?"  

All I could think is that it means what it means. It means you can't call me. "So Newark isn't the safest place," I tried to say as nicely as I could. "So I don't give my number to strangers here."

"I don't get American girls. I don't understand what that means. If you don't want to, just say no."

"Okay, so no," I said, and I walked back through the door. What I wanted to say was, "Look, junior, when I need a date with a minor so that I can go to jail, I'll be the first to call you." Or, "Why don't we call my husband down to see what he thinks."  Yes, friends, being single is funny!

and scene

So it is over. I've officially, today, been off of sugar for a month...30 whole days without the good stuff. And I'm happy to announce that I'm not craving it anymore! But, that doesn't mean that I won't eat it again ever. I will. I probably will in the next few days. But, I'm not sure when or what. I'm a little nervous about it because I don't want it to turn into a sugar fest. That would defeat the whole point of going off of it in the first place. I think that my real goal is to eat it maybe once a week or less. We'll see. Right now, I'm just proud that I did it. As hard as it was at first, it was totally worth it.

it gets easier

People have been asking about how the no sugar thing is going, so I'm posting an update. The cravings are getting less difficult or intense or whatever. It really helps that I don't have any junk food in the house. I will admit to a few substitutes, however. 

First, a preface. I know soda, in general, is not good for you. However, I've been drinking Fresca (the cherry flavor is super yummy) and diet root beer. it tastes very much like the real thing, which, I am told, is because root beer is made with spices. I'm aware that there are drawbacks to both choices. However, I also think that total deprivation would send me over the edge. And quite frankly, no one can convince me that diet soda is just as bad as Coke. So please refrain from telling me that there are detriments to drinking it. I'm aware.

Another choice, I'm eating yogurt...the sugar free kind. I realize sugar substitutes are not great. However, yogurt has many many benefits, and it helps satisfy the cravings. Last, today I bought organic Odwalla and Kashi bars. They contain sugar, however, the sources are all organic. And the sugar count is pretty low, around 15 grams or less. I feel like it is a bit of a stretch, but I actually think they might be better choices than the yogurt and soda, especially the soda, because they are made from whole grains, contain flaxseed, etc. 

I set the goal to go sugar free for a month. I've been doing it for almost three weeks. I do see a difference in my energy level. I'm not as tired. It's funny. Last semester I was off of coke when school started. Then slowly, as things got more stressful, I told myself I needed it. And now I see that the coke craving was triggered by stress. But, while it might have been a momentary pick-me-up, I crashed. It was just making the cycle worse because an hour or so after drinking it, I felt worse. Not that that is news to anyone. I knew that's the way it worked. But I kept responding to the stress signal. So no more coke. Ever. Period. 

But the rest of the sugar food group isn't on the outs forever. I haven't decided what I will do when the month is up. I suppose it depends upon how I feel then. I will probably reintroduce it slowly. Maybe once a week or once every other week. For now, I'm just focusing on the first goal.

By the way, thanks for all the tips. I'm trying them. I bought ingredients to make a yogurt and fruit shake. I even bought plain yogurt to do it, so thanks for the tip, Heidi! I drink a lot of water. I never go to the grocery store hungry. I feel like all of the tips helped!  

HELP...

okay, so i made it a goal to go sugar free for a month. i've been wanting to do this for a while, and thought i better get to it. i started on monday, january 12th. at first, i was amazed at how i wasn't having any cravings for sugar at all. i could even look at sugary snacks without having any desire to dive in and take a bite. so i thought, hey, this is a piece of cake...no pun intended. and when i say i'm off of sugar, i mean i'm reading all labels. if sugar is in the first five ingredients, i won't eat it. i won't touch anything with any high fructose corn syrup at all. of course, i am eating fruits.

so then last night rolled around; i was really really wanting a cookie or some cake. i figured it would go away and did my best to ignore the need. but the cravings aren't going anywhere, at least not so far. it is now monday night, and i've been successfully avoiding the sugar for about twenty-four hours. but i want it. help! what do i do to kick the craving? i haven't purchased any sugary items, so all i have in the house are semi-sweet chocolate chips and some left over weight watchers ice cream bars. neither will do the trick and aren't the least bit tempting. but i'm worried about what i might do tomorrow while at school. or tomorrow night...like make cookies because i'm weak and i need it! any ideas?

Friendship

I had a very sad experience this week. On Tuesday, Dawn called me to say her husband, Jon, was in the hospital having surgery once again. My dearest, sweetest friend was married only three and a half months ago. Tuesday night, after several hours of complicated surgery, Jon passed away.  

As I slowly headed up to the hospital in Salt Lake, through a very treacherous snow storm, I thought of how grateful I am for my friends and my family. Susan was with me, and I was grateful that I didn't have to face the storm by myself and that she was willing to go out in the weather with me. When we arrived, I was grateful Dawn's family and friends were there, or arrived shortly after. I was grateful Dawn got to meet Jonathan and that they were sealed in the temple. I was grateful to know that her sister would be there early the next morning. I was grateful because all of our friends called and wanted to help. I was grateful because their neighbors cleared driveways, brought food, called, sent flowers and offered support and condolences. Mostly I was grateful I wasn't back in New Jersey. I am so grateful I could be there when she needed me most.

My heart is broken for her. I've cried with friends and family. I've sat at her feet and allowed them to sit in my lap as she rested for a moment in the hospital. Today Jamie, Amber and I gathered around her and looked at pictures from her wedding and remembered. I will never forget driving her home and leaving her at her house late Tuesday night. As we drove away, Susan said that that image would be burned in our minds forever. I agree. It will. I love you Dawn. I've always believed that we were destined to be friends. Time and time again, that is reconfirmed to me. And while I have to leave tomorrow, I want you to know you are first and foremost in my thoughts and that you will continue to be. And to the rest of my friends and family, I love you so much.